Ok, so it's not totally "dirty." Also, it isn't actually "little." In fact, it's not even a secret. Thing is, it felt like one. For quite some time I have kept to myself about it, in public, anyway. When I say public, I mean on the "inter-webs," and especially on the pages of a community group that I feel so connected to and supported by. Yet I stayed away and remained silent. (This is my first shared Blog post in a couple of years, for goodness sake!) I remained silent for a few reasons. I didn't want to cause upset; I didn't know what others might think; I wanted to be sure that it wasn't a fluke; If I shared (in the group I mentioned), then I would also have to confess to falling off the daily practices of that particular program. Of course, those were all stories that I was telling myself as I kept quiet about it. Yes, I shared some personal photos and joys, but I didn't really put it all into words until just the other day when I spilled the beans (privately) on the group page.
So what is it, you wonder? What IS my {dirty little} secret? (No, I'm not actually a Unicorn. That is not it.)
That dirty little secret is, I am HAPPIER now than I have ever been, at least ever since I can remember.
It may seem silly to be hesitant to share that I am immensely happy, but I came to realize that I have continued to allow old stories that became a repetitive inner-voice to act as though they were my truth. Those old stories were born of a time of immense growth, although I didn’t see it as growth at the time. I can now look back and say with certainty that every experience in life is here for us, and not something that is happening to us. I continue to work on forgiveness, (of myself and of others) and I continue to step more and more fully into my own personal power and Truth. As I learn to better balance my time and energy, I am making a conscious effort to be more present in each moment and to continue to build my own confidence and courage in sharing my gifts and skills that I have come to understand and continue to build upon.
It is truly amazing what can transpire in our lives when we are willing to be fully open to the possibilities, to get clear on our goals, to get real, and ask the empowering questions. And THAT, my loves, is exactly what I did.
I Surrendered. Completely. Like, on my knees, forehead to the floor of the bathtub, sobbing as the water ran over my back from the shower head surrendered to what was. I had had all that I chose to handle and I just let go. Fully. Then I got clear on what it was that I TRULY wanted. (To be fair, this is something that I had thought I had been clear on many times before.) The difference this time was that I stated clearly that I was OPEN to the Possibilities...ALL of the possibilities...available to me.
I started asking questions. Empowering, shift-producing questions. I asked them from the space of what it is that I was seeking. All in all, this was an emotional and extremely spiritual, private experience. Lastly, I let go. I let go of attachment to any particular outcome. I just put it out there and let it be. Truthfully, I forgot. I just went about my business and daily routine. Something was different though. A sense of freedom, perhaps. I am not sure exactly what it was, but within hours (12, 24, 36...I'm not sure, really), I was connected with the woman who is now my Wife and my life is forever changed. (As much as I'd love to credit my beautiful wife for my beautiful life, I know that my willingness to open up to my beautiful life is what created the space for her to enter in.)
So why did it seem that my profound happiness should be kept a secret? Truthfully, I believe that it was a matter of my own willingness to step back into my own power and authenticity. Although the undercurrents of self-confidence had begun to rise above the waves of diminished personal light, in hindsight I realize that I was living in fear of the proverbial dropping of the other shoe. In other words, I was afraid it was too good to be true, and therefore shouldn't share it.
Here's the thing: the more we hide our light, our joy, our happiness, the more our light joy and happiness allude us. Sharing it is the way to go! Sharing it brings out the light, joy and happiness all around!
May you be blessed with joy and happiness and the fulfillment of your hearts most blessed desires.
Love, Peace and Light.